Last night after experiencing yet another wi-fi failure (trying to watch a vintage “Dr. Who”) I realized that I had a twinge of a feeling I had experienced as a child when things did not go my way. It is a feeling or pre-thought that somehow the whole world (our system and by extension, the Universe) was somehow against me. It is a feeling like there was a conspiracy against me. I was not consciously “thinking” that there was an actual mystical or supernatural force resolutely structured with the sole intent to foil anything I aspired to but that is how I felt. It was a feeling that I was somehow inferior to every other manifestation of the Universe.
This all made me think – whenever we experience angst or any negative emotion, some thought must have caused it. It might be an automatic thought, a sort of “jump to a conclusion”. We may not be conscious of the thought but we certainly feel the emotion that it evokes. It is this feeling which causes the distress (not to mention a likely body/brain chemistry shift).
Whenever a negative, defeating feeling occurs we must, if we wish to move forward and increase our level self actualization, become conscious of these automatic, programmed feelings, determine the underlying or hidden thought and repudiate it with reason and logic.
Back to my hidden belief that the entire Universe was my “Dr. Evil” – To think that one is so special, so significant that the whole Universe (an infinite system as far as we know or are concerned) would use its forces against one individual is a) presumptuous and b) ridiculous. The Universe is “equal opportunity”. It does not “care” about any particular individual.
My personal theory is that in its own way the Universe is actually “pulling for us”, pulling for all of humanity and all intelligence because this intelligence is its best hope for preserving order beyond the Big Crunch. This theory is a subject in itself and must be explored continually but is of an order of thought beyond that which I hoped to communicate in my little post on a home-coffee-day so I will rest it for now…